It has happened. My nightmares are true once again. This time I had time to fix it but I couldn't.
Maybe I should let this play out like it is going to. Me being separated from Moon, breaking away from all our bounds. Leaving me with nothing I wanted.
Moon tried to act supportive today but I can't help but feel like it's going nowhere. No matter how much I explain to her that I will work my ass off to get to her so that I can live with her; she will not understand. She doesn't believe in promises and who can blame her there? Not me certainly. But.. how do I shake away this feeling now? The happiness? The pain? The love that I have for her?
I know how it is going to play out now. There will be a fight about something between us and since her exams are close that is going to affect that conversation. I will try to get her respect back but I will fail. I will leave the pha53R persona and that will upset her. She will probably also pass some quirky remarks with smile emojis being sarcastic as part of her going "numb". And then I will be left alone. Alone to remove every trace of her. I cried today.. I do not do that. Not even when we first had a fight, I did not cry as much. Now I can't seem to get away from these tears. I will also probably delete my roles if I am being honest with myself. I know I will do that.
The only thing I will be left is the counter that the OwO bot has reminded me how many days it could've been. Or not. Maybe she will remove me from that too. I hope not.
I want to be back with Moon and explain to her how much it is also hurting me.
But she has made up her mind.
SO FUCK XANTHIS' FEELING EYYYYYY WHO CARES ABOUT THAT ASSHOLE ANYWAY?
Update - 5/11/21 - I was right and it hurts.
One year since and I just want to chuck myself in front of an upcoming train. One day maybe not today
